


In Your Warmth I Forget How Cold It Can Be

by anikaenator



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band), zayn malik - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Father Zayn, Head Injury, Hospitals, Kid Fic, M/M, Nurse Harry, Protective Siblings, Strangers to Lovers, failing marriage, switching POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 23:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14389212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anikaenator/pseuds/anikaenator
Summary: “Have you seen Sami today?” Zayn feels stupid for asking his 4-year old daughter about the whereabouts of his son. But he already searched the whole house for him and he even called his school to make sure he didn’t have to stay longer because of detention. So slowly he starts to get nervous and kind of regrets not buying Sam a phone when he asked for one for his 12th birthday.Looking for his son Sam, Zayn not only finds him but also a handsome nurse called Harry, that shows him a way back to happiness.





	In Your Warmth I Forget How Cold It Can Be

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song "Warmth" by Bastille.

„ **Can you hold this for a second?“ Zayn presses the Spoon he was holding into Sam’s hand and doesn’t even wait for his response before he’s out of the kitchen and stomping down the hallway.**

**It isn’t long before Sam can hear his parents fighting. Again. Just like yesterday. And the day before yesterday. And the day before. Actually, Sam can’t even remember a day when they didn’t start fighting the second his mum walked through their front-door.**

**He hears mumbled noises, little pieces of their “conversation” about _W_ _here have you been? Why didn’t you call?_ _I’m sick of your excuses._**

**He tries to concentrate on stirring the tomato-sauce his dad started to heat up instead of listening, but still he can’t keep his hands from shaking when words like _hate_ and _break up_ reach his ears.**

“ **Sami, where is Daddy?” Izy, already in her pyjamas, is looking up at her older brother with a worried look in her face.**

“ **He’s saying hello to Mummy. They’ll be here soon. Dinner is almost ready.” Sam tries to keep his voice calm. To keep his little sister away from any fears he is feeling himself in moments like this.**

“ **Mummy is home?” her eyes light up at the thought of seeing her Mum before she goes to bed. It’s something that barely happens nowadays.**

“ **Yeah, she just got home. Go sit at the table and be a good girl okay? I’ll see if they are ready to come and eat dinner with us.”**

**Sam feels some kind of relieve when his sister actually doesn’t fight his words for once and does as she is told. Trying to keep his promise, Sam turns off the stove and walks towards his parents, who don’t even notice their son until he clears his throat.**

“ **Oh hey Baby, how are you?” his mothers smile is lopsided and he can smell alcohol in her breath as she steps closer to him – trying to hug him. Sam lets it happen but doesn’t squeeze her as tight as he would if she was sober. Instead he tries to focus on not coughing because her clothes stink of cigar smoke and Sam hates that scent.**

“ **Will you come and eat dinner please? Isabell is already waiting,” he tries to smile at his parents even though he’d like to cry when he looks into their faces. Because his mother looks drunk and his dad looks sad and angry and Sam wants nothing more than to have happy parents that love each other and take care of their children the way they are supposed to.**

“ **I’ll be there in a second,” his dad says exactly at the same moment as his mother goes “I left my purse in the car, I’ll be right back.”**

**Zayn rolls his eyes at the words of his wife and Sam would like to stomp his foot and tell his mother _No, you don’t get to leave now. Not again. Izy is waiting for you and we need you here and just because you don’t love dad anymore you shouldn’t stop loving your children._ However he keeps quiet and watches his mum leave. Swallowing his tears, just like he knows his dad does too, he tries to be strong for his sister because all of this isn’t fair – least of all to her. **

“ **Can you get the dishes Sami? I’ll be there in a second. Promise,” Zayn is stroking through Sam’s hair before he is off into the direction of the bathroom.**

**And Sam knows that this is hard for his dad, and he understands that he isn’t hungry anymore and that he needs some time to himself, but Sam can’t think of anymore lies he can tell his little sister about their mothers whereabouts and to be honest he is tired of doing the work of his parents.**

**Though he still loves them and he wants to help and most of all he wants to see his baby sister happy so he steps back into the kitchen, blinks back his tears, puts a smile on his face and tells her that _Mummy had to go back to work_ and that _Daddy is really tired_ and then they eat together. Just the two of them. Just like the last couple of days.**

 

* * *

 

“Izy?” Zayn is stepping into his daughters bedroom where the little girl is sitting on the floor while playing with her dolls. He lights up a little bit, seeing that she is enjoying herself despite the bad mood everyone around her is spreading.

“Yes Daddy?” she looks up at him with big brown eyes and waits for him to continue. Zayn steps closer to her before he takes a seat beside her on her pink fluffy carpet.

“Have you seen Sami today?” Zayn feels stupid for asking his 4-year old daughter about the whereabouts of his son. But he already searched the whole house for him and he even called his school to make sure he didn’t have to stay longer because of detention. So slowly he starts to get nervous and kind of regrets not buying Sam a phone when he asked for one for his 12th birthday.

“He was home last night I think.” Izy isn’t really looking at Zayn, more interested in her dolls than in her brother at the moment, which Zayn appreciates, since he doesn’t want her to see his worried face.

“Okay darling. Thanks for telling me.” He runs his fingers through her soft hair and tries to take a deep breath to calm himself down a little bit.

“Do you wanna go to the park to play?” It’s one of the ideas that popped up in his head, because Sam loved the park when he was younger. Zayn is just not sure if this is still the case. He hates himself for not paying enough attention to his son because of the self-pity he let take over himself the last couple of months.

“Sure.” Izy brings him back to the here and now and Zayn tries to concentrate on his little sunshine of daughter instead of worrying about his son – just to keep himself sane and calm around his little girl. He doesn’t want her to be any more involved in the fucked up part of his live than she already is.

 

* * *

 

 

“Why don’t you fucking pick up your phone Kate?” Zayn is anything but screaming into his mobile-phone when he reaches the voicemail of his wife for the 6th time in a row.

He is breathing heavy and his eyes sting and he hopes he didn’t wake Izy, who fell asleep on the couch a couple of minutes ago while watching her favourite Disney movie.

After playing in the park for two hours straight, she was already tired on their way home but still demanded to watch Aladin since she always want’s to watch it, even though she has at least ten more movies to choose from.

After making sure that the little girl is still fast asleep he makes his way back into his bedroom and dials Kate’s number once more only to be going straight to voicemail again.

 _I hate you. I hate you. I hate you._ He feels his whole body shaking while he tries to steady his breath and blink back his tears. _I don’t know what to do. What should I do?_

Zayn would like to call the parents of Sam’s best friends, to ask if he went home with them, or if they know where he could be. But he has no idea who his best friends are. He has some names in the back of his mind. Miles and Max and maybe Sarah – but he hasn’t seen any of them over the last months and he has no idea about their last names or the names of their parents.

So the last thing he can think of is to call the police and report his son missing because it’s already getting dark outside and he is sick with worry and self-hate and his hands just won’t stop shaking.

“Hello? Yeah, here speaks Zayn Malik. My… my son is missing. I… his name is Sam Malik.”

 

* * *

 

“ **Are you okay?” _No, I am not. I am lost. I ran away from home and now I think it was a shit idea. But I don’t have enough money to take the train home and I don’t know where to go and I am afraid and I want my parents to pick me up but I don’t have a phone or any money left and I am freezing and lonely and I think I might never see them again._**

“ **Yeah,” Sam turns away from the stranger talking to him. His parents told him not to talk to people he doesn’t know and he never tried more to do as his parents told him than at this very moment.**

“ **Are you alone here?” The guy leans down and tries to touch Sam’s shoulder but Sam is fast and takes a couple of steps backwards in a matter of seconds to keep a safe distance to the scary guy.**

“ **Leave me alone please.” With his lip between his teeth, he turns away from the stranger and tries to sneak away into a dark alley, which he knows isn’t really clever, but he acts on instinct and his body tells him to leave.**

“ **Hey, don’t run away. I’m trying to help you. Come on… do you need help?” The man is following him and Sam wants to run and scream for help and before he knows it, that is exactly what he is doing.**

“ **Help! I need help! Please… I need help.” Panic is rising inside of him and his vision blurs as tears make their way down his cheeks while he keeps on running down the cold alley, trying to escape from the man who followed him.**

**And maybe he should have stopped to catch his breath and turn around to see that the guy didn’t follow him in the first place – at least not more than a couple of steps. But Sam keeps on running and running and running until his feet and lungs hurt and then he stumbles because he didn’t watch the ground and the next thing he knows is, that his head hurts a lot more than his feet and lungs together.**

 

* * *

 

“ **Can you hear me?” Sam blinks his eyes open to see a woman with long brown hair leaning over his body. His sight is blurry and it takes his eyes some seconds to adjust to the bright lights in the room.**

“ **Just take your time. Try not to move too much.” Sam wrinkles his brows as the deep voice reaches his ears and he looks around for a male nurse or doctor in the room, but he can’t spot anyone beside the long-haired nurse beside his bed, which at a second glance looks a lot more manly then he thought before.**

“ **I’m Harry. Can you tell me your name buddy?” Sam tries to open his mouth but it feels so dry and it takes a lot more effort to do so then he’s used to. On top of this his eyelids feel super heavy and he just can’t keep them open for more than a couple of seconds.**

“ **It’s okay, you can sleep a little longer if you’re tired. I’ll be here when you wake up again.”**

**The voice of Harry sounds really far away to Sam and he kind of wants to tell him to _really not leave._ _Please don’t leave me alone. I am scared and I don’t know where I am. And I am tired. So tired. Why am I so tired?_**

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you lost our son. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Listening to his wife yelling at him, Zayn keeps shaking so hard while holding back the urge to slap her. He knows he messed up, but she is the last one to call him out on it. Not when it took her more than a day to even notice that her son went missing.

“What do you even care? You didn’t even spend a whole week at home with him since he was five. And now you try to make me look like the bad one? Fuck you.”

“No fuck you Zayn. You were at home. You were supposed to see if he was acting odd. If he planed on running away. And you should have looked out for weird people talking to him. What if he didn’t run off? What if someone abducted him? What if we will never see him again?”

Zayn should hate her for blaming him. He should scream back at her face. Tell her all of her mistakes and faults and make her feel like shit. But he knows that she already does.

It’s the first time in a long, long time, that Zayn sees her worried about one of her children. And it hurts him. Because he understands. He knows that all of the things she said are true, even if they are both just as responsible for their children as the other and she’s not the one to blame him.

So instead of fighting back, he wraps his arms around her and by the feeling of her clinging hands on his back, he knows that he did the right thing.

He can’t even remember the last time they hugged, let alone kissed. However it still feels right when he presses his lips to her forehead and tells her that everything will turn out to be okay. That they will find Sam and that he is well and that their family will get through this. He tells her everything she wants and needs to hear, even though it somehow feels like lying.

 

* * *

 

It’s later in the evening when Izy comes trotting into Zayn’s bedroom where he is sitting on his bed with his mobile-phone clutched in his hand. He’s waiting for the police to call him since last evening but it seems like his phone refuses to ring.

Izy climbs up the bed and Zayn puts away his phone to cuddle her close to his chest before she winds her way out of his grip and looks at him with curious eyes.

“When is Sami coming home from school?” She plays with the hem of her pyjama top while Zayn tries to find a suitable explanation for his little daughter.

“He...” The words get stuck in his throat and he has to cough slightly before he is able to continue.

“Sami will be home soon. He’s away for a little bit but we can pick him up soon. Okay darling?” He knows it isn’t good to lie to her but he also can’t tell her that maybe she may never see him again, because her parent’s are incapable of taking good care of their children. She probably wouldn’t understand it anyway.

“But… But why didn’t he tell me? He didn’t… he didn’t say bye to me in the morning.”

Zayn can see how upset Izy is about the fact that she feels left behind by her brother. And it hurts so much, seeing that she just can’t understand and feels upset about it.

“He just didn’t want to wake you baby. Don’t be mad at him, okay? You know how much he loves you.” He lets his hand run down her small back to soothe her and maybe to also soothe himself, because it feels like Izy is the only person to keep him sane at the moment.

“But who’s gonna make me dinner now?” The question is like a stab to his heart but Zayn knows that Izy didn’t ask to mock him. She is just curious and he can’t even be mad at her for it, because she probably can’t even remember a time, when Mommy and Daddy made her dinner instead of her older brother.

“Mum is in the kitchen preparing dinner. How about we join her and help her? I bet she would love us to help.” Her eyes light up at the thought of her parents making dinner for her and even being allowed to help cook. She nods enthusiastically and hops of the bed while grabbing his hand and trying to drag him out of the bed as fast as possible. It’s the first time Zayn smiles since Sam went missing.

 

* * *

 

 

**Sam wakes up feeling dizzy and confused. The room looks much darker then the last time he opened his eyes – or at least that's what he thinks he remembers.**

**Panic seems to take over him again and he is about to scream for help when someone turns on the lights and Harry the nurse comes rushing to his bed. “Hey, hey… relax. Everything is alright.” He strokes Sam’s sweaty hair out of his face and tries to comfort him by whispering lines along _You are fine. Just breath. Look at me. Everything is okay. You’re doing really good._ **

**Sam can feel himself relax a little bit because everything Harry says sounds genuine and Sam just wants to believe him when he tells him he’s okay. Also it reminds him of when he was younger and his parents calmed him down after he hurt his knee on the playground or had a very bad nightmare.**

“ **Can you tell me your name now? I’d really like to know your name.” There’s a careful smile on Harry’s face and this time Sam actually manages to open his mouth and whisper a quiet “Sam”.**

“ **Okay Sam, that’s a really nice name. I like it. Do you like it too? I think Harry sounds quite boring compared to Sam.”**

**Harry’s rambling makes Sam smile, even though he still has this feeling of unease inside himself.**

**Instead of using his voice he just nods and then closes his eyes again, because he just can’t shake of the tiredness.**

“ **I know you’re tired Sam, but maybe you can tell me your whole name? What’s your lastname Sam? Can you tell me please?”**

**Harry’s voice sounds far away again and Sam really tries to tell him, because it sounds like Harry would desperately like to know his full name. But he feels so weak and tired and he can’t even keep his eyes open so how should he be able answer Harry’s questions.**

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave some kudos and/or comments to tell me if you like it :)


End file.
